Michael Varma  Michael Varma "Clowning" Around

Good and short jokes are sometimes tough to find, so I'm happy to share a few of my favorites from my humor file.

I'll be posting more soon. Please email me some of your favorite and hilarious ha ha's.

Who keeps the ocean clean?

What kind of sea creatures have no friends.

A lone shark.

What did the lady frog wear on her feet?

Open "toad" shoes!

An old man was bragging about his new hearing aid. "It's the most expensive I've ever had--it cost $3,000."

His friend asks: "What kind is it?"

He says: "Half past four!"

Someone once said of an acquaintance:

She had the Midas touch.

Everything she touched turned into a muffler.

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts?" and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

A piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender barks, “We don’t serve strings here! Get out!”

The little string stormed out of the bar, tied a messy knot and stormed back into the bar demanding service.

The bartender said, “I told you we don’t server strings. You’re a string aren’t you?”

The string replied, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar and one says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive." 

A jumper cable walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

What's the most dangerous vegetable to have on a boat?

A leek.

What happens to a peanut when it sneezes?

It turns into a cashew!

Kate and Julie were talking over breakfast.

“My son,” said Kate boastfully, “has master's degrees in psychology, sociology, and economics.”

Julie responded, “You must be so proud of him,”

“Yes, I am. He can’t get a job—but at least he knows why.”

Q: Why did Tarzan stop swinging through the trees?

A: Because he reached the finish vine.

Q: Why do potatoes make good detectives?

A: They keep their eyes peeled.

Q: What do you call a stolen yam?

A: A hot potato.

Q: Did you hear about the two bedbugs that got engaged?

A: They married in the spring.




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